I’ve only been single for a week now and a lot of things are happening in my life but I first wanted to share how I got through that first week.
I don’t have a lot of experience with it and there are different levels of relationships and breaking up but I probably have the most recent recollection of steps I made to start moving on. Everyone handles things differently but when you don’t know what to do it doesn’t hurt to try everything. So here are some of the things that helped me:
- Cry. It’s really inevitable. I hate crying; it has always been a sort of taboo for me. I think it’s because I am 90% like my father and I have never seen him cry. But, sooner or later you will cry (actually sooner AND later but that’s another thought) so just do it already. Do it alone if you have to, just make sure you empty your head of tears.
- Avoid all music that you could in any way connect back to your relationship. So mostly, just avoid country music.
- Call someone later. I took almost a half a day before I confided in someone. I had to think things out in my head first. When you do pick up the phone, my suggestion here is to call someone who will listen, make you laugh, and provide you with a bottle of wine (and maybe even a place to sleep). Just don’t call everyone. Repeating anything five times gets old, imagine retelling a sad story five times in a row in which you are the main character. Bad idea.
- Stop thinking about it. As soon as you can do something to get your mind off them and off “us” and “we.” I’m not suggesting go out and down a bottle of vodka immediately but having a few drinks calmed me down (so did a lot of drinks two days later….)
- If it is at all possible try not to miss work. I had to work the next day and it was the BEST thing for me. I didn’t think about the situation once, I had 21 10-year-olds to worry about instead.
- Be selfish. If you do have an obligation that you just can’t fulfill then be honest with yourself, procrastinate, give yourself some time, and then get back to it. Your mind and the task at hand will thank you.
- Get rid of all reminders. Throw away pictures, delete phone numbers, whatever it is you have to do so as not to see their name or their face on a daily basis. I haven’t completely fulfilled this myself but I’m working on it.
- Let other people do the talking. Everyone loves to have something to talk about. I told close friends about the situation and told them to please tell other people who knew “us”. No details just that I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. That way, there are less awkward moments with people unknowingly asking you about your significant other. It really helps all parties involved.
- Be privately pissed. There is no doubt you will be angry. Don’t go out dishing out specifics or aiming at revenge. It’ll probably initially make you feel better but then good old guilt will come calling.
- Seek out someone or something that will comfort you but won’t talk about it at all. A pet, a pillow, or, in my case, my 4 year old nephew.